Positive Language of No

None of us can say "yes" to everything, so quit trying and protect yourself from stress. Just say "no". Easier said than done, so start with body language. Follow some of these examples to start you out.

If you are too afraid to use your words how about posture? Relax! Keep both feet on the ground with arms by your sides or on the arms of a chair. Do it in front of a mirror if this seems too silly for you.

Send a positive message by staying open, arms relaxed, deep breaths, talk slow and clear. Smile, laugh often, say what you mean, mean what you say. If someone catches you off guard with a request, it is ok to ask them to wait a minute before you give an answer. Probably not a good idea to wait until you feel like shrieking "No!" at the top of your lungs.

Use your personal space to your advantage. Everyone feels uncomfortable when their personal space is compromised. Keep at arms length, and stand your ground. A good mantra, 'No, means no.' It becomes easy to say nicely, when you've practiced. For many of us, that sounds rather negative in our heads, again, practice in front of a mirror. Ok, find someone you trust to practice with if talking to yourself is a little creepy.

Keep good eye contact, show you feel confident by smiling with your eyes and looking directly at them. Of course, it is rude to stare and you might be perceived as guilty if you look down or away. So, look up and sigh, like the deep thinker you are!

Keep chaos at bay by moving at a regular pace. Remember to talk with your body and hands simply, with free flowing soft movements. Try not to talk to people as you are walking away, it is really hard for them to understand what you are trying to say.

Start with little "no's" and work your way up to the big ones, like "no," to going with a friend for lunch to "no", you cannot work overtime. Or "no, I feel honored you asked me, this time won't work for me."

Others aren't going to notice that you've taken on too much until you do a bad job, or say something. Saying "no" in the first place is worth the risk, even if it makes the other person angry. Keep in the habit of remembering, you can't control the outcome of a situation anyway, quit trying. In the long run asking for help with some of the tasks may be a way to take on the extra responsibility without saying no. Practice "not right now," or "help me prioritize what to do next, I am feeling a little overwhelmed."

Try to keep your sanity by not waiting until the last minute to finish up jobs or projects you don't like. The smartest thing is to just grab the ones you hate and do them first. Say you don't like them to begin with. Trade them with someone else if at all possible. If nothing else, lighten up, and laugh about it!

When you respect yourself others will appreciate you taking care of yourself and taking control of your life. They will understand if you really can't be disturbed at the moment. Take the time to plan ahead and figure out first things first. Stay alert to when your highest productivity times are so that you won't be rushed into doing sloppy work. Whistle, and smile.

Be honest about how you really spend your time and be flexible. Rest when you have a moment to. Say "NO", to all the little busy jobs you notice around a room until you've rested a couple of minutes. Open a door, go outside, breathe in some fresh air. Learning to say "no" when you've had enough can be easier on every one if we don't overwork and accept changes and do our best to plan ahead.

Probably the most important of all is to take a break. Most of us have scheduled ones at work and push ourselves to the limit at home. That will break our bodies down in more ways than we can imagine. Start a new habit of setting the timer for 10 or 15 minutes before or after the dinner rush. Do some stretches and exercises to help you unwind and relax is much better on our bodies than putting our feet up with a glass of wine. Though when all is said and done, there is comfort in a job well done as long as we use moderation in all aspects of saying "no" and mean it. A little loving kindness for ourselves goes a long way.