Detective Work, Using Anger to Save Money

Why is it some people are afraid to do things on their own? Are we somehow brainwashed with an unrealistic security that comes from a relationship that doesn't care if we leave or not, but can hook our guilt into knowing we can't really afford it. The abusive message is loud and clear. How dare we even think, of leaving them behind with the chores to do and and the bills. My god, its just a vacation!

Yet, some of us have been convinced by such words. We don't dare have a say in how the money is spent. We call ourselves ugly names, like stupid and jerk, if they haven't already done it for us.

No frivolous spending for you lucky lady, "I don't care if you won it fair and square, give it to me to pay the bills."

Are some of us so mistrusting of ourselves that if we had money to leave on vacation we'd never come back? Abuse has taught us not to trust. Or think we can't be trusted.

We don't deserve such fine pleasures, until, until hell freezes over, give me a break!" We can learn to trust ourselves.

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It means we have feelings that need to be expressed in a way that is healing. That is the hard part, to say what we mean and mean what we say, with love. Harder still, to act on it.

I awoke to the rain pounding through ceiling, how can I sleep with the whistling wind twisting trees? I'm sure it explains my headache and the specks of the angry dream.

"So tired of not ever having enough money saved to go on a planned, week or longer vacation. Leon has been working at the shipyard plenty long enough to have a years worth of vacation. Oh I make sure we take little weekend mini trips, and Leon often goes fishing and hunting. Those aren't the same as a week long vacation to like the Bahama's or something. We use to talk of the Caribbean with it's white sandy shores, 5 star hotel suite, deck facing the ocean. Moonlight walks along piers until dawn, coffee in hand to greet the sun rising. I climb on my pity pot and swear I'm being punished. My truck always needs more fixing, Violet needs braces, the house really does need some fresh coats of paint, and forever there is college tuition. So, what are we willing to give up for the long term goals?

"I am angry at the price and inconvenience of flying, with such things as full body scans, come on. Fancy hotel prices, catering to the working traveler with sewing kits, irons, hair dryers and dry cleaning at top dollar prices. Oh yes, the angry list of whining can go on. I'm angry that I forget what all the change in the jar is being saved for."

"We will manage ways to pay the bills."

Then the house needs a new ceiling in the bathroom. How do people do it? No, really? Just take a solitary two week vacation, nothing actually needs to be done at this minute. Hum, not a comforting thought, but filled with possibilities. Maybe it's a form of guilt, other people's needs come first. Save money to help others then, pay off all of the credit card bills.

"There is always money when we need it."

While taking a long hot shower I thought of these things. Well, lighten up friend of mine. You're getting really good at 3 day hideaways at the Resort. I have no doubt Leon enjoys me out of the house once a month.

Let go of the stress of the coming holiday season, focus less on work, massage your feet with that new Chanel lotion. Become clear what is worth fighting for, share your voice. Always put something in savings, ALWAYS. Trust yourself and the universe to give you what you need. If you pay attention, love gives beyond and rewards. We often get what we want jus by asking. All gifts don't need a future monetary value. Make time for only relaxation, reading special little books or sleeping.

Eat out less often, keep putting change in the jar, make a fancy label for it.

Our anger jar is dwindling! It started when the girls were small and they caught us swearing. "Put money in the jar, Mom, you just said a bad word." Between their Dad and I, there for a while, that change was adding up pretty fast. As we let go of the old life, embracing the new, we'd roll up the quarters and go on a spending spree.

Basically, we can discover when we are angry like this, it is natures way of telling us to get back on track. Reminding us what we really wanted to do with the saved money, to not give up doing it. Sometimes, we HAD to get into our savings. That is when we battle down rage.

Yet, because of that savings, we can learn, to keep putting it back in. Money is only another form of energy. If we continually save it, trusting it to accomplish only good, it could!